Happy Indictment Day!

Popping on while eating breakfast, sans glasses (so please excuse any typos!), just before getting dressed to leave for work.  I just have to shout, and YES:  gleefully:

HAPPY INDICTMENT DAY, AMERICA!

It's a beautiful day, a good day, for our country when we uphold and affirm what truly makes us great:  that, when we are doing it (our constitution) right, we are all equal under the law.  We all should have equal rights.  We all should have due process.  And no person--including the President of the United States--is above the law.

Finally, 45 is facing consequences for his law-breaking actions.  Today's indictment is just going to cover a tiny fraction of all the laws he has broken.  He has also violated our constitution, broken international laws governing Crimes Against Humanity, and committed treason.  Today doesn't make him, finally, have to face any consequences for all of those actions.  But today, finally, makes him have to face consequences for some of his actions.

45 has never had to face consequences before.  His followers love that he is a bully and he gets away with things.  They think it makes him macho and tough.  When they see that 45 is going to have to face consequences for his actions, it may also make them a tad quieter, at least for a while, and it may start to show them that their Emperor has no clothes.  They stuck with him and liked him even more, the more xenophobic and hateful and violence-inciting, and law-breaking, he was/is.  All of that only made them like him more.  But seeing him, FINALLY, facing consequences for any of it?  Seeing him maybe sent into a time out by the adults in the room?  They won't like that.  But just like children who act out and have tantrums and need to be shown LIMITS, it is the healthiest thing for them.  And for our country.

So I say again:

HAPPY INDICTMENT DAY!

Our founders never intended this.

I'm eating breakfast ahead of work, and they just showed photos on the news of some of those who were gunned down in the school in Nashville yesterday.  One of the photos really got to me.  It was of a little girl.  Her life is over now.  She was just trying to go to school.  She should have had the right to be safe in school.  Aren't Americans supposed to have the right to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness?"  Since when does the liberty part eclipse the life part?  And doesn't liberty include the liberty to go out in public without the very real possibility of being gunned down?  Why should any citizen have the ability to own a weapon of mass murder, a military style assault rifle, capable of mowing down hundreds of people in moments?  Our founders never, ever foresaw or intended that when they penned our awesome constitution.  You will not find any such "right" in that document.  But shouldn't that little girl have had the right to go to school without being gunned down?  Shouldn't we all have the right to go to church, synagogue, mosque, the grocery store, the mall, outdoor events, dance clubs, the list goes on and on and on, without fear and reality of being gunned down?

The vast majority of the American people are for a federal assault weapons ban.  Yet since more of our elected representatives are apparently in the pocket of the NRA than actually want to uphold their oath to represent us, we do not have one, nor does one seem to be on the horizon.  So the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is now infused with fear and grief, and drills for our nation's children in school on what to do if someone starts shooting.  What a perverse future, this present day is, of what our founders intended for us.

Red Tide

I'm so scared of Red Tide. And I ain't talking about what's washing up on some nearby beaches right now, here in Florida. I'm talking about Republicans or, as I call that party and most of the people who comprise it, repugs. I'm not into name calling but they deserve it. If the repug fits, get called it. They are repugnant, and not even worthy of the energy it would take to add in that last syllable, "nant", hence: repugs. Been calling them that for many years now and they just keep earning it anew. But I digress: they are taking over my state! And I'm scared, no joke.

When I moved to Florida 29 years ago, it was purple. There was a Democratic governor. I had to move here due to a physical challenge that I won't bore you with but the bottom line of which was/is that I have to live somewhere subtropical or tropical, period. That kind of narrows down one's options if one is an American and one loves one's home country and wants to stay in same. Couldn't go to California (where, as it happens, I was born, even though I'm a northeastern, mid-Atlantic girl to the core, and my parents were, too--they just happened to be in CA when they had me, but they moved back east when I was a tender little infant of 5 months old) because it's too arid for said sitch, and also the housing was way too expensive there for me at the time (and now). Hawaii seemed similarly impractical. But Florida? I could stay basically on the east coast, I could be near my beloved Atlantic, and it really doesn't get more humid than Florida, and I was all about the dew point at that time. So I set about the business of STUDYING everything I could (which was a LOT harder back then, pre-everyone-having-the-net: it was 1992, people, when I made the decision to move) about Florida. I went to the library (remember the library?). I wrote to Chambers of Commerce and had them send me stuff. I narrowed my city choices down to three, none of which were St. Pete, but, awesomely, the cosmos guided me here and, once I set foot in St. Pete (which was only ever supposed to be where I was staying on my reconnaissance mission in July of 1993, while I drove around to the three cities I was considering moving too--St. Pete was just supposed to be base camp for that, it wasn't on my radar at all), I fell in love instantly with this city. INSTANTLY.

I still looked at the other three contenders but, looking back, I think I actually knew right away: it was going to be St. Pete. And, luckily, St. Pete was pretty liberal, especially compared to some other areas of the state, so good: St. Pete. And I felt, as a girl from a solidly Blue state, and a solidly Blue set of parents, and a solidly and wildly, deeply Blue upbringing, comfortable with the fact that I was moving to the--gasp--south. Because, it's okay, I'm going to St. Pete. And look, the Governor is a Democrat. And... it's going to be okay. Well, that was before 2000. Which I can't even TALK about--2000, that is--to this day. I'm serious, no can do, still too traumatized, but if you know what I'm talking about simply by the 4 numerical digits "2000", then bless you and, if you know, you know. If you don't know, watch the first 15-ish minutes of "Fahrenheit 9/11" and call me in the morning. And, actually, if you have never watched Fahrenheit 9/11, you need to do so immediately, or right after you read the rest of this. I feel like that is when Florida started, no pun intended, going south on me.

Fast forward to now and we have a bunch of repugs MOVING HERE SPECIFICALLY DUE TO DESANTIS BEING GOVERNOR. It's a thing. A real, tangible thing. It started during the pandemic, with people who didn't want to wear masks or get vaccinated. And now we had a news story here the other day about a biiiiiiiig DeSantis rally, with lines of people waiting to see him, and one excited woman who was interviewed said, ecstatically, "I moved here for DeSantis! I moved here because I want to be in a free state!"

A free state? We're not free! We're not allowed to say "gay", let alone be anywhere on the LGBPTQIA+ spectrum. We're not allowed to have "climate change" in government documents, or teachers' unions, or to teach the actual history of the US of A. Girls and adult women aren't free to have agency over their own bodies and health care decisions. Companies, like cruise lines, aren't free to do what is best for their businesses by mandating vaccines to board their ships. I don't feel safe going to church, synagogue, the grocery store, events, etc., because people are walking around with semi-automatic weapons. This isn't a "free" state. You are not free to be yourself, to teach the truth, to form unions. DeSantis is also trying to take over the curricula of state colleges. So is this freedom or fascism?

This Red Tide is terrifying. I moved to a purple state which has, seemingly slowly at first, but now ever exponentially faster, become ruby, ruby red. When I sit in traffic on the way to and from work, or anywhere--bumper to bumper traffic, which *never* used to be the case, even just a few years ago here in St. Pete--I keep thinking of that woman on the news a few days ago: "I moved here for Governor DeSantis! I moved here to be in a free state!"

I guess one girl's "freedom" is another girl's "fascism". Potato, potato. This girl is scared. And now DeSantis is clearly running for President. This "freedom" could be coming soon, to every state of the union. Unless we stand up to it. Silence is not an option.

Fascism Is In The Air, Democracy Is In Our Hands

I watched the news this morning and was horrified by clips of 45 at CPAC.  The following statement isn't a news flash, as it was when I first started shouting it from the cyber rooftop back during the 2016 presidential primary season, but his particular combo platter of being a sociopath and being, frankly, an excellent con artist, is extremely, extremely dangerous.  He has zero hesitation and every intention and ability to harness hate and fear for his own ends.  He has zero hesitation to weaponize his followers to start a civil war, just to keep him out of jail and to get him back into power.  At which point, we would go from a democracy to a fascist country.

I don't think it is likely that he will get his party's nomination again. But either way--if he gets the nomination, or if he doesn't--he is going to weaponize his followers.  He's already started, if you listen to his words of last night.  He said "I'm your retribution".  Picture January 6th on a national scale.  45 is on the march again.  He's nothing without his followers, but he's got them.  He knows exactly how to press their racist, xenophobic, anti-Semitic, hate-triggered buttons.  He's an expert at Othering.

Look to history and just before Hitler came to power people didn't take him seriously.  We need to take 45 seriously.  Our only defense against him and the hate he harnesses and unleashes is our own power to vote, and our power of peaceful, creative, non-violent resistance, with our constitution as our foundation.  This is no time to sit anything out.  As a favorite quote of mine, by one William K. Wolfrum, says:

"The road to fascism is lined with people telling you to stop overreacting."

Imagining a Post-Fossil-Fuel World

It's an exquisitely beautiful Spring day here in St. Petersburg, as I sit here on my lunch break, working from home today, with all my windows open and a wonderful, warm, refreshing breeze (well, refreshing except for all the oak pollen infusing it and everything here, but I digress...) jazzing me up.  I can hear the not so far off, yet just far enough off, roar of the Indy cars as they practice for the St. Petersburg Grand Prix this weekend.  I've always been a passionate environmentalist and climate change activist, and vociferously anti-fossil fuel.  Yet I must cop to loving that fossil-fuel-induced sound, and getting such a rush from it somehow!

I dream of a world in which homes and businesses and cars are powered by renewable, clean energy sources like (and mainly) solar and wind.  Yet I think there should be an exception for Indy car sporting events, just a few times per year, so that future generations can feel this rush of adrenaline and excitement too, yet think to themselves "oh, so this is what gas-powered cars were like--wow, I'm glad we don't have that exhaust polluting our air, ruining our health, wrecking our ozone layer and causing climate change anymore.  This is fun and a cool throwback and nod to history and the combustible engine, but I'm glad that, when the race is over, we can drive home in our solar-powered cars, to our solar-powered homes, breathing clean, delicious and wonderful air always."

The Exquisite Dance

Just a gentle bit of love and musing for any and all of my friends who, like me, struggle with weight.

I've been struggling myself and the number on the scale has gone up 20 lbs in the past year, even though I've been alarmed and trying to have it NOT do that, please. So today I really had to have a talk with myself, and try to remember to infuse it with the love and gentleness I referenced above because it is so easy to do it in a critical, scolding tone in my mind. It's so easy to beat myself up for my weight going up, especially at this stage in my journey, as I know a lot--I've had a lot of experience. I know what to do. I know what works for me and what doesn't. Yet the fact is, I still turn to food for comfort, for soothing, to numb my feelings and stuff them far away where (though this is delusional) they can't hurt me, for so many things that I need to either find and employ other sources of (like comfort and soothing), or try not to do at all (like numbing out or stuffing feelings). And I do understand all this and often succeed at turning to other things: friends, nature, exercise, spirituality, pets. Yet, this past year in particular, or maybe not in particular, maybe just like always, I have turned to food to get me through some traumatic stuff, and some regular old stress and fear and whatnot. (That whatnot is a b*tch.)

Anyway, the cold, hard fact is, I'm 20 pounds heavier than I was last year at this time. Last year, I was just a few pounds over the top of my healthy range. Within striking distance. I was almost back in the zone. But now, as of today, I've gone from alarmed at the gaining to ALARMED, and no way, and I can't gain an ounce more, period.

I just can't afford to, healthwise. Nope, nein, negative, not today, not ever, NO.

Yet, it's fine to say that, but I said that last night after getting on the scale because I felt hungry and like the... not even full "smoothie" (it was just pineapple juice blended with bananas--it would require plain yogurt or something to even make smoothie status, it was more of a frappe or virgin colada) I had for dinner was not enough and that I needed protein. But I weighed myself to kind of talk myself out of it, because it was like 8 p.m. And my weight was alarming. Yet I ended up eating a big meal anyway, as I really was hungry and felt I really needed protein. But was protein all I ate? No. Let's just skip over the details and suffice it to say: I'm feeling out of control-ish re food.

So I took some time to muse about it all this morning, and to re-think about some things I've been thinking about, and to remind myself of some things, and I realized, yet again: food addiction is not like other addictions because you cannot go cold turkey. People with other addictions and people with no addictions do NOT understand this and what this is like, period. But we who have this do. And the thing about it is: you can't just do a black and white thing, you can't just go cold turkey, like I said. Since you have to eat, you HAVE to LEARN. Learn what? Learn, in exquisite detail and with exquisite nuance, exactly what you can and can't eat and when and in what circumstances and with what set of variables (because the choice that is right one day or at one meal maybe not be right another day or at another meal, depending what else you've eaten and what is going on and what setting you are in and a million other variables and constants).

So here is the MAIN thing I've learned, in all my years of following the diet that is best for me and learning that it's always still going to take a lot of intention and a lot of awareness and daily choices, multiple choices every day: no matter what, don't give up. DO NOT GIVE UP.

Yes, you'll struggle and no, it will never be a straight line. And it will never be: "Yay, I got down to a certain number on the scale, now I'm done." No. It's always going to take intention and choices and thoughtfulness and agility and gracefulness and graciousness and trial and error, knowledge and experience, successes and failures (both of which are valuable teachers--the person who wrote the diet I follow said that years ago: your failures aren't failures, they are teachers).

This morning, I had to tell myself: don't give up, obviously, that's not an option, and do get back to fundamentals. We're back to baby steps again, and that is humbling, yet okay. It's okay. Just get back to certain things that you know work for you. Sometimes, when you are struggling, all it takes is one or two seemingly little tweaks, little re-calibrations, to get you back on track!

For me, I had to remind myself this morning: don't have more than one grain-containing meal per day, if you can possibly help it. And maybe just try to go a tad easy on the portion/amount of starchy/grains in same. Maybe just add a *little* less oil/fat. You've got this.

So to all the other me's out there: don't give up. The thing with food addiction (and any addiction/all addiction, but again, food addiction is different, because you HAVE to eat every day and thus you HAVE to learn an exquisite amount of stuff in order to be in "recovery", unlike like other types of addiction, wherein you can simply--though of course I know it isn't "simple"--make one choice to go cold turkey, whereas we can't, we have to basically become experts in biochemistry, our OWN personal biochemistry, what *exactly* keeps us in biochemical balance and what sets off cravings, etc.) is that we food addicts, in order to get into and stay in recovery, in "food sobriety", have to do an exquisite, intricate dance with the substance of our addiction every single day, multiple times per day.

So my bit of love and gentleness for myself as well as for others today is: don't give up when you are struggling, remember to learn from your "failures" as well as your successes, and just get back to Square One, to fundamentals that you know work for you, when you are struggling. For me, since I do consistently fab at not eating the foods I know are really not my friends, what I have to get back to are things like: only one grain-containing meal per day, go easy on portions, go easy on adding oils and other fats. Make one choice at a time, always asking myself: is this a choice that is being kind to myself in the long haul and in the big picture?

One day at a time, one choice at a time.

Stupidism: a new word I just made up.

I've made up a new word:  stupidism.  You know how there are truisms?  Well, says I, there are thus also stupidisms:  sayings that are, not to put too fine a point on it, clearly STUPID.  Example?  "People don't kill people, guns kill people."  That is the quintessence of a stupidism.  All countries have people.  Yet only one country has constant mass murders/massacres.  Only ONE country doesn't ban military-style assault weapons from civilian hands.  That's the country with all the slaughters of innocent people.  So it's the GUNS that are doing all the killing.

All countries have a similar number of violently insane people.  Yet only one has assault weapons, military-style assault GUNS, in those people's hands.  Thus the example I gave of a stupidism is, in fact, a stupidism and is the very one that made me come up with that word for it in the first place.  You're welcome.