Transgender Day of Remembrance 2015

I have a very dear friend who is trans (transgender, though she actually doesn’t like that umbrella term and prefers the more specific “transsexual” or just “trans”, but I’m saying “transgender” here because it is a bigger umbrella and what I’m about to talk about applies to everyone under that umbrella). Today, November 20th, is the national Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR). It’s a day to pause and remember the staggering, truly shocking number of transgender people who were violently murdered (and lost to suicide) this year, and to realize that the total number is made up of (I hate to quote Bush, Sr. at a moment like this—or ever! But it’s a poetic term here) “a thousand points of light”, so to speak: in other words, the huge, scary yet impersonal aggregate statistic is made up of very, very personal, individual lives. A rabbi I knew once said that every life is a whole world.

I may have let today go by without a mention, were it not for the fact that my aforementioned dear friend got harassed last night upon attempting to check in to a hotel when traveling, right here in the “free” United States of America. Right in her own country, just for daring to be herself. Try to imagine that you couldn’t walk down the street, check into a hotel, apply for a job, access a public bathroom, try something on in a dressing room in a department store, or have a meal out without the very real possibility, all the time, at any moment, wherever you are, of someone or a group coming up to you and harassing you, threatening you, discriminating against you, or worse. Try to imagine every day of your life being like that, 24/7. Just for a moment today, try to imagine that.

The fact that my friend got harassed last night made me realize I can’t let this day go by without stopping to acknowledge the importance of it. It can’t be just trans people who talk about this. It has to be all of us, for things to ever change. Most people who are not trans have no idea of what the statistics are--of how dangerous just going about your daily life while trans is. I’m asking those of you reading this to take a moment today just to take in how challenging it is for them, when all they are trying to do is be themselves. When someone’s internal wiring doesn’t conform to their external body specs, they should be free and indeed encouraged to express themselves, to live their lives, in a way that makes them feel comfortable, like their true selves, free and whole. It doesn’t hurt a flea for people to be free to live as their true selves. They are not threatening anyone by doing so, therefore they should not be threatened.

Gender is a spectrum and some people don’t fit into what the world expects of them based on their outer body. So just let them be different, it’s okay! We are all different and we all color outside of the lines in some way(s) in our lives. We should all be accepted for who we are, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else, and being transgender doesn’t. The only thing I won’t tolerate is intolerance, especially when it results in violence against innocent people just trying to live their lives. This is very personal for me due to my friend. My message today is live and let live. This is supposed to be the Land of the Free. Teach tolerance to your children and your friends, wherever you go, whatever lives you touch, too. Don’t be silent.

If Everyone With a Prejudice Was Fired for Honestly Admitting It, No One Would Have a Job

I think it is a crying shame that NPR fired long-time journalist and commentator Juan Williams yesterday for honestly sharing a prejudice.  What he said was indeed expressing a prejudice, there is no doubt about that, but it is only once we all start being honest with ourselves and in our conversations about our prejudices that we can see them for what they are and work on them.  Feelings are never right or wrong, acceptable or unacceptable, it is how we choose to act on our feelings that counts.  Juan Williams is not a bigot, in fact, he is a champion of civil rights and fairness for all.  Every single one of us has prejudices.  Should we just never express them and hide them away in the closet?  There is a truism often quoted in 12-step programs that says "You are only as sick as your secrets."  In other words, only by being honest with ourselves and others can we be healthy, and this applies, I think, not only to individuals but to society. Pretending we aren't afraid of something, someone or some group only makes the fear grow darker and more powerful.  Acknowledging it, owning it and exploring it takes the power from fear and empowers us to choose how we act.

What Juan Williams specifically said was admitting a fear.  He didn't say the fear was fair, in fact, I think the whole point was that he was admitting a prejudice.  We would all be healthier as individuals and a nation if we searched our souls and did the same.  What he actually said is that, when he is on a plane, if he sees someone in Muslim "garb" (his word), he feels fear.  That is indeed a prejudice, as just because someone is wearing the clothing of their culture and/or their religion, it certainly doesn't mean they are a terrorist with intentions to blow up an airplane.  Juan's feeling of fear in that situation is both prejudiced and somewhat irrational.  Yet it is his feeling and feelings don't have to be fair or entirely (or even partially) rational.  I said it before but it definitely bears repeating:  feelings are feelings, it is how we choose to act on them that counts.

Juan Williams has consistently stood for civil rights, fairness and justice in his career, and he is also very honest.  Unfortunately, he was unjustly fired yesterday for just that refreshing honesty that our society so desperately needs to be healthy.  The most disgusting part to me was when the person from NPR who fired him said that his remark should be between him and "his psychiatrist".  What an ugly, ignorant, uncalled for, classless attack.  She's the one who made an inappropriate comment, an attacking, ugly comment.  Juan Williams, on the other hand, was honestly admitting a fear and prejudice, in order to further the dialog about it in our country.

From earlier blogs of mine, for example, when I came out strongly for the mosque to be built near Ground Zero, you all know I stand against discrimination, for fairness, and passionately for civil rights.  That is precisely why I do NOT have a problem with, and indeed actually applaud, anyone who can admit a prejudice.  We all have them.  Admitting a prejudiced feeling does not equate to behaving with discrimination in our actions.  It doesn't mean that person is a bigot.  Far from it!  Admitting a prejudice means that person is honest with themselves and the world, and is willing to face their fears, which is the only way to move past them to a tolerant world.

And Crown Thy Good with Brotherhood

I am definitely in favor of allowing the mosque to be built near Ground Zero. Far from dishonoring the 9/11 victims, I think allowing and even, dare I say, welcoming the mosque profoundly honors them by honoring what America truly stands for and making a bold, bright statement to any would-be terrorists out there, as well as to everyone else, that what the United States of America stands for will never be weakened or turned away from for any reason, let alone due to a violent, cruel, downright evil act of terrorism such as what occurred on 9/11.

What do we stand for? We stand for freedom, tolerance, pluralism and respect for diversity. Of course a mosque should be allowed to be built near Ground Zero, as should a church, a synagogue, a Buddhist temple, or any other house of peaceful worship and/or community/cultural outreach that any group desires to build. I think it deeply honors the victims of 9/11, as well as our country, to say to the terrorists: you haven’t stopped us, and you won’t stop us. You will never stop America from being America. You won’t stop us from upholding religious freedom, from respecting and celebrating each other’s differences, or from being the marvelous, remarkable, pluralistic, free country that we are. Just because you hate us, does not mean that we, in turn, will choose to hate anyone who happens to be a member of the same faith as you were, any more than the actions of Timothy McVeigh made us hate all Christians. Just because you, 9/11 terrorists, had hate and violence in your hearts, doesn’t mean that we, Americans, will let go of the tolerance, respect for diversity and our most cherished values like religious freedom that we have in our hearts and in our constitution, and that define who we are as Americans and America. Just because you were small-minded, doesn’t mean we will become as you were. We’re Americans: we welcome a house of worship, of whatever faith, to be built near Ground Zero.  We stand for religious freedom and pluralism.  The violent, evil, terrorist acts of 9/11 have not, and will never, change that.

I myself am a Unitarian Universalist (and I’m also Jewish--complex, I know, but that’s a topic for another blog sometime), so I don’t say this as someone who practices Islam myself. No, I say this as someone who cherishes what my country stands for. I will strongly defend the right of any religion to practice freely, and if this particular group is allowed to do so near Ground Zero, to me, it very powerfully honors and reaffirms what our country is all about and therefore honors the lives of the 9/11 victims. What would dishonor them and us as a country would be for us to become intolerant, like the 9/11 terrorists themselves. What would dishonor them would be to harden our hearts and turn our backs on one of our most fundamental tenets, that of religious freedom. For to do so would mean giving up what we are and becoming like the terrorists. By contrast, if we allow the mosque to be built, we are affirming what we are—a truly free, tolerant and diverse country--and making a statement that nothing has changed that, nothing has changed us, and we will never allow anything to change or compromise what America stands for.

The terrorists could not take away what we quintessentially are as a unique, admirable nation. Only we can choose to give that up. I say we choose instead to embrace and confidently reaffirm our most inspiring, precious founding values! I say allow the mosque near Ground Zero to be built. What a powerful, beautiful message that sends! It says: America is still America. America is still the tolerant, free nation we have always been and always will be.  9/11 didn’t change that. What could possibly honor the 9/11 victims more than making that glorious statement?